Script Source: https://thescriptlab.com/property/dune/
SYNOPSIS
Emperor Shaddan, on his palatial home planet, is visited by a Navigator of the Spicing Guild to discuss their plan to destroy the Noble house Atreides by sending them to the Spice manufacturing planet, Arrakis, only to have their rival family of Harkonnen’s destroy them. While Shaddan concerns himself with the family’s patriarch, Duke Leto Atreides, the Navigator is, through a mystical sense of foreboding, more concerned with Leto’s son, Paul. On his home world of Caladan, Paul learns of Arraken and the city of Arrakeen from holographic filmbooks until he’s interrupted by his master-at-arms, Gurney. The two train just in case the summons to Arrakis is a trap. After visiting his father, Paul dreams of Arrakis and a mysterious native girl that asks him about his homeworld. When he wakes, Paul is visited by the Reverend Mother of the holy order, the Bene Gesserit. Paul’s mother, Jessica, takes Paul to be tested by the Reverend Mother, though begs her not to test him as no man has survived the tests of their order. When Paul survives the test, the Reverend Mother allows that perhaps Paul is the messiah and tells him of the Water of Life. Soon after, the Atreides’ leave Caladan and travel across the Universe to the desert planet, Arrakis.
Arriving on Arrakis, the Atreides’ find the city Arrakeen in disrepair and full of Harkonnen traps, both will hinder the production of Spice. Without Spice, the Atreides’ will lose Arrakis and their standing in the Empire. During a visit from a native Fremen woman, Jessica is presented with a crysknife, a symbol that the native people have already begun to believe Paul is their messiah. Leto takes Paul and Gurney on his first trip to survey a spice mining machine. Despite having never worn a stillsuit, which will keep them alive in the desert, Paul puts his on perfectly in the Fremen style on his first attempt, shocking his Fremen guides. While surveying the enormous mining machine, the Atreides notice ‘wormsign’, evidence that one of the enormous sand worms that inhabit the planet is approaching. Choosing to forgo his protective anonymity, Leto decides to save the workers onboard the mining machine before its consumed by the sand worm. That night, the Harkonnen launch their attack on Arrakeen. Pauls doctor poisons him and Leto, delivering them to the Baron, the head of the Harkonnen household. Before delivering Leto, the doctor installs a poisoned tooth in the duke’s mouth. Paul and Jessica are sent to the desert to be consumed by the sands. While being escorted, Paul and Jessica escape by using The Voice, a powerful Bene Gesserit form of vocally compelling a subject into action. Their captors free them, and their ship crashes into the sand. In Arrakeen, Leto bites his poison tooth in an attempt to kill the Baron. As Paul sleeps that night, exposed to the natural spice in the sand, his dreams become more vivid than ever before. Through these visions, he discovers Jessica is pregnant. Sensing the death of his father, Paul swears vengeance. While trying to find safety in the desert, Paul and his mother are attacked by a sand worm. They are saved in the nick of time by a group of Fremen led by Stilgar. Initially suspicious of the duo, he immediately sees the power of the Bene Gesserit in Jessica and welcomes them into his tribe. It is here that Paul is introduced to Chani, the girl from his dream on Caladan. The Fremen guide Paul and Jessica to their secret underground society, where water flows and there are thousands of Fremen. Paul offers to help the Fremen and lead them in a war to oust the Harkonnen from Arrakis using the ‘weirding way’ of the Bene Gesserit. They follow him, believing him to be the messiah of the outer world that was promised. While Paul trains the Fremen, Jessica is invited to take up the role of Fremen Reverend Mother, their current being on the cusp of death. Jessica reluctantly drinks the Water of Life and begins the ritual. During the ritual, the current Reverend Mother realises Jessica is pregnant, but too late. Surviving the ritual, Jessica and her unborn daughter both become Reverend Mother. Jessica’s survival also causes the Fremen to unilaterally christen Paul “Muad’dib”. During the celebrations, Paul declares his love for Chani. Jessica gives birth to her daughter, Alia, who immediately begins speaking. Paul has finished training his new Fedaykin and starts taking them out to fight the Harkonnen. Between successful attacks, as the legend of “Muad’dib” rises through the Harkonnen ranks, Paul learns to ride sand worms. His first ride is an enormous worm, the largest a first-time rider has ever ridden. Paul leads an attack on a mining machine, coming to blows with a group of smugglers. The battle is ended swiftly when Paul realises that among the smugglers is his old master-at-arms, Gurney.
Fearing the increasing power of the legend of Muad’dib, and knowing that Paul Atreides is still alive, the Spicing Guild orders the Emperor to reclaim control of Arrakis personally. On Arrakis, Paul takes his final step to fulfil the prophecy and drinks the Water of Life. The effect causes his younger sister and the Emperors own Reverend Mother to share in his agony. As Chani tries to save him, the ritual also summons seven sand worms to Paul. When he wakes, he is changed. He is Muad’dib, an all-seeing god. He rallies the Fremen, privately alluding to his ulterior motives for war, and leads the attack on Arrakeen. A storm is approaching the city. The Emperor and his daughter, Irulan, are within its walls with the Harkonnen. Alia goes to the Emperor to pass Paul’s message to him. As war rages outside, Alia kills the Baron with poison, though he dies in the maw of a sand worm before the poison takes effect. With the battle over, the Fremen take the Emperor, Irulan, and Harkonnen warrior Feyd hostage. Paul challenges Feyd to a battle of honour, a final step to prove Paul’s divinity. While the fight nearly kills Paul, he does succeed in killing Feyd before using The Voice to cause the Harkonnen’s body to explode. Paul demands the throne from the Emperor, and takes princess Irulan’s hand in marriage, though reminding Chani that it is she who really has his heart. In his final act, Paul uses The Voice to summon rain on Arrakis.
PREMISE
Ruled by the Emperor, power of the known Universe is actually in the hands of the religious order of the Bene Gesserit and their many prophecies. When the rise of house Atreides threatens to bring about one of these prophecies, a plan is formulated to quash the would-be messiah, Paul Atreides, and his ambitious family.
Paul and the Atreides are sent to Arrakis, the desert planet and centre of ‘spice’ the fuel for space travel and the source of the Bene Gesserit’s prophetic powers. While Paul concerns himself with following in his father’s footsteps to become Duke, his mother, herself a member of the Bene Gesserit, fans the flames of Paul’s divinity among the Arraken locals, the Fremen.
The Emperor’s plan is put into action when the Harkonnen, the previous stewards of Arrakis, attack the capitol in the dead of night. While Paul and his mother, Jessica, escape, Duke Leto Atreides dies trying to kill the Harkonnen leader, Baron Vladimir. In exile, Paul and Jessica are adopted into the Fremen community, winning them around with Jessica’s Bene Gesserit powers and Paul’s promise of revenge. Paul trains the Fremen in the Bene Gesserit’s mystical fighting methods, cementing their belief that he truly is the messiah their faith had promised them.
Whether he truly believes that he is the messiah or not, Paul goes through the motions of prophecy, consolidating his power over the Fremen and turning them on the Harkonnen stronghold.
Followed into battle by the Fremen and his love, Chani, Paul and his family take back control of Arrakis, taking the Emperor hostage in the process. Paul, in victory, escalates himself to a godlike stature, taking the Emperor’s title by taking his daughter in marriage, and restoring rain to Arrakis with his elevated Bene Gesserit powers.
STRUCTURE
Dune is a large book. Distilling it into a single blockbuster movie is no easy task. In this, the writer has proactively condensed the narrative into its core elements. The script shows a strong understanding of the source material, while also being fully aware that the narrative rules of the screen are different to that of the page. Through this dedication to the source material, the writer has occasionally struggled with the pacing of this script. As seen in the synopsis above, there is a lot of material on the Atreides home world of Caladan before the inciting incident of Paul’s arrival on Arrakis. Once arriving on Arrakis, however, very little time is spent establishing Arrakis, its customs, and people before the Harkonnen attack and send Paul to the desert to fend for himself. Once in the desert, the Fremen seem to accept him as “Muad’dib” almost instantly. While a forward momentum is crucial to a compelling script, the writer shouldn’t feel scared to allow moments of character to breathe, so long as they propel the story. A prime example of this is when the Reverend Mother visits Jessica on Caladan. The scene is compelling, appropriately paced, and full of meaningful interactions.
Paul’s journey to become Muad’dib is compelling. His provenance alluded to in Act 01 comes to its natural conclusion by Act 03, and the writer has a clear idea of what this journey is. However, the writer seems to have been limited when writing this script. Not limited by the source material, but by the conventions of a feature film. Key elements of Pauls journey are omitted from the script in order to conform to structural convention. Is there perhaps room in the script for Paul to question his divine provenance, or his desire to sit upon the Emperor’s throne?
Understanding the wider context of the Universe is clearly a crucial element of the writer’s interpretation of the source material. The inclusion of a prelude scene between the Emperor and the Guild is a clear example of the writer creating a setting, stakes, and genre immediately. Scenes such as these, positioned as they are currently in the script, can frequently detract from the drama the audience is invested in. If this is the story of Paul Atreides and the prophecy of his divinity, the script should begin with one of those elements. If this is a story of Paul’s rise to become the Emperor of the known Universe, this needs to be more appropriately threaded throughout the rest of the script.
Narrative films are, frequently, easily defined as either a three-act structure, or a five-act structure. This script appears to be four acts of unequal weighting. The first act takes place on Caladan, the second follows the Atreides attempt to control Arrakis, the third follows Paul’s rise through Fremen ranks, and the fourth is the final battle for Arrakeen. It may be in the writers’ best interest to consider either a three or five act structure for this script. While not necessary, the lack of these structures can cause a script to appear clumsily written. A five-act structure may cause the script to be too long, and a three-act structure may mean key material is lost, but either would give the writer, and thus the audience, a stronger footing when exploring such alien material.
One way to assist a stronger structure may be in Dune’s villain. Many stories are defined by a strong antagonist. This script again shows reverence for the source material by including the Baron, Feyd, and the Emperor as antagonists for Paul’s story. However, the script is unclear which, if any, is the leading threat. The Baron is a well-realised and ever-present antagonist, whose end is both true to the source material and cinematically delivered. Despite orchestrating the story to an extent, the Emperor features very little except to bookend the story. Could his presence be given more weight throughout?
Overall, the structure of this script is true to the book on which it’s based but lacks the concise language a screenplay demands. By muddying the waters between source and adaptation, the script lacks the focus it would need to draw audiences. Its final act, however, is extraordinarily cinematic and a clear realisation of what the next draft of this script could be.
CHARACTER
The question of whether Paul Atreides is the messiah of Arrakis is threaded through the language of almost every character. From Stilgar to the Reverend Mother of the Emperor, everyone is defined by this divine question. One character, however, seems to care little for Paul’s journey. Paul Atreides himself. Paul’s lack of definable identity is clearly pulled from the source material, but while the reader of a book can fill the blanks of personality in with their own, a film audience will not be so forgiving. To survive as a protagonist on film, Paul needs an identifiable want. Throughout this script, it is alluded to that Paul’s ‘want’ is to achieve his destiny. What that is, in his own mind, seems to change from scene to scene with no real causality. Duke of Caladan, scholar, Duke of Arrakis, Messiah of the Fremen, Emperor, or something else entirely. The writer has a clear understanding of Paul’s place within his story. From the Reverend Mother’s divine authority to the Emperor’s weak grip to power, the context of Dune and the characters that inhabit it are, on the whole, fully realised. Without a protagonist to walk the audience through it, they likely won’t engage with the material.
Aside from Paul, there is one glaring element that will require attention in future rewrites. The role of women in society has changed drastically from Dune’s original print. The notion that “we who carry the name of concubine… history will remember us as wives” is outdated. Reducing the female characters to mother, love interest, or marital prospect will alienate half of the movie-going audience and make the project near-impossible to cast exceptional talent. The role of the Emperor’s Reverend Mother proves there is a space for women in this Universe. The writer should exploit that. If side characters like Gurney Halleck can go from duty-bound master-at-arms to smuggler, space can be made for Chani to show similar change and inner-conflict.
The characters of Dune are, on the whole, well realised both as individuals and as emblems of the religious themes presented in the script. Giving some narrative focus to Paul and better realising the female characters would elevate this script to become something truly exceptional.
DIALOGUE
Screenwriting, and film as a whole, is a visual medium. This script routinely showcases an exceptional understanding of this, whether it’s the Atreides’ method of intergalactic travel or the entire final act. Each character’s dialogue within that context is clearly identifiable, while maintaining the stories unique tone and atmosphere.
While there are moments of real strength in the dialogue, the writer does frequently show signs that they don’t completely trust the audience to follow the story. The lore of Dune is dense, and its language is alien in many ways. Audiences, however, are more intelligent than this script often gives them credit. The clearest example of this is the use of the inner monologue. As an exercise, the writer should remove every single example of inner monologue and consider ways to visually showcase the characters thoughts. Knowing what a character is thinking is crucial but spelling it out through an inner monologue can deprive the actor the ability to explore the character more fully, and robs the audience of the ability to interpret what they’re seeing. In a story so concerned with the importance of prophetic interpretation, it seems redundant to spell everything out for the audience.
The writer may also find, upon removing the inner monologue, that the remaining dialogue is as set out above, clear, and concise. The lost lore and important story details may be folded in through other means, as direct dialogue, or more visual methods. The writer may find, however, that the story works better without the lost lore.
Screenwriting is a visual medium. If dialogue can be avoided, it should be, unless the words are poetry.
VISUAL GRAMMAR
The current script for Dune sits at around 117 pages. This would indicate a runtime of roughly two hours. Considering the length of the source material, this is an enormous achievement from the writer. Upon reading the script, it appears the produced film may be considerably longer. This is, mostly, due to the visual style of the script. The writer should consider, in future, how the reading of the script can denote pace and tone. Blocks of text are difficult to read and are often not a proper reflection of how long a scene may be. Spacing the directions also helps the reader properly visualise the script as a film, rather than a sequence of events.
Within this, the writer shows a clear understanding of the visuals they wish to portray, from the sandy dunes of Arrakis to the black skies of Geidi Prime, the genre and tone are threaded excellently throughout this script.
A further note on the formatting of the script. It is crucial that the writer creates this script with the layman in mind. Characters ages, for example, are crucial when introducing them, especially where Alia is concerned. As a reader, the audience is under the impression she is a new-born child, yet with no referenced passage of time, she appears before the Emperor, walking and talking. Clear formatting of the script would clear up many of these ambiguous elements that detract from an otherwise compelling story.
There are ample opportunities for the writer to elevate the material here. Mining the source material for religious imagery to appropriately pepper throughout the script, be that setting, costume, or dialogue would further assist the writer in tightening the theme of this script.
A script should be a written reflection of what the writer wants the audience to experience. Action should be punchy, and slower scenes should reflect that, and all should be anchored in the visual.
CONCLUSION
Dune is a lovingly created recreation of its source material, mined expertly for the cinematic kernels that can create a compelling feature film for a wide audience. With careful restructuring, and by leaning more heavily on the visual over audio, this script could be a visual feast.
That said, it becomes increasingly clear that, in the modern climate, this version of Dune will never make a compelling, conventional blockbuster. To make the necessary amendments that would satisfy fans of the book, the story would become too dense for conventional cinemagoers. To create an accessible blockbuster of conventional length would alienate the fans that would otherwise be this story’s biggest champions. In this modern climate, however, there is an option the writer should seriously consider.
Peak TV. Apple TV, Netflix, and HBO to name a few are proving again and again that dense science fiction and fantasy can be properly and lovingly adapted for longform television. Dune, in this current iteration, is already primed for adaption to episodic television. In fact, its current structure seemingly demands it. Caladan, arrival to Arrakis, the rise through the Fremen, and the final battle. The key episodes have been outlined already.
Foundation on Apple TV has shown that story density and budget are no longer an obstacle for TV, while Marvel Studios’ The Marvel’s has shown that CGI heavy blockbuster movies are lowering in visual quality.
When pursuing this project into its next draft, the writer should seriously consider reworking it for television.
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